Michael was raised in a household where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to fling to oversee each various as well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged, so the threat was always there.

Michael was the oldest of four family and was much form in intervention of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While some part of Michael didn't want to be like his parents, this was all he knew.

As an adult, Michael struggles with his standard anger at his wife and children. His wife threatened to jilt him if he didn't fulfill some help, which is what led him to dream of with me.

"Michael, anger is recurrently used to stow away spread another, more painful feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger?" I asked.

"I don't know. I good procure so frustrated and accordingly out comes the anger."

"What did you finish as a child, also scared, when your parents were boiling and ardent with you?"

"I theorem I felt classy markedly alone."

"You committal have felt overly only and uncared for and further
 helpless over what was happening."

"Yes, I felt therefore helpless! I hated doctrine hence especial and helpless. It was so scary. I couldn't wait to get bigger so I wouldn't feel so helpless."

"What triggers that helpless opinion now?"

"HummI deduction it's when my wife and kids don't bring about what I necessity them to actualize or what I think they should do."

"So quite than palpation and presume your helplessness through them, which is the reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?"

"I axiom so. I presumption I attack to govern them rather than feel helpless. But why should I feel helpless? It's an awful feeling.

"Michael, when you were a child, you were helpless thanks to your parents brutality, and you were besides helpless considering yourself in uncounted ways. You couldn't just leave and go live with someone else. You couldn't walk away without further punishment. However, today, while you are still helpless over others, you are not helpless over yourself. You can walk away from a situation that doesn't feel good, or you can speak up for yourself. You can also explore difficulties with your family. You didn't have any of these options as a child. But unless you accept your helplessness over others, you will try to control them, and anger is the way you've learned to do it. Anger is your automatic controlling, addictive response to protect against feeling that old helplessness. You will continue to be angry until you accept your helplessness over others - over what they choose to do and who they choose to be."

Helplessness considering others is a intensely formidable teaching to accept. For many people, it feels like a life or death feeling, because as infants we were completely helpless and if no one came we would die. Some of us cried and cried and no one came and we felt helpless over living or dying. While today helplessness over others is not usually a life or death experience, the feeling can trigger our infant terror. Most people will do anything to avoid the feeling of helplessness, even though we are no longer helpless over ourselves. Yet until we accept our helplessness over others, we will try to control them, and anger is a major way many people have learned to attempt to control.

It took Michael freedom to learn how to take strain of himself - how to embrace and accept his helpless feelings rather than ignore them or cover them up with anger. As he learned to take loving care of himself and his own feelings and needs, he became more accepting of other's feelings and needs. As a result of accepting himself and others, and of learning to feel and manage his painful feelings, his need to control others gradually diminished.

In the tramp of alertness with me, Michael lettered to road a personal source of spiritual guidance to help him not feel so alone and to know how to take loving care of himself. Michael found that when he was connected with his spiritual guidance, he was much less likely to act out in anger. He found he could manage his difficult feelings of aloneness and helplessness far more easily when he felt the love and support of Spirit.