Living in the shadows of the lambent that exists within encased darkness. Trying always to balance a many of contradiction. Wanting to please yet want to proper be. Feeling the onus of demands from the face but supposition much more clearly the call from inside to seek quiet purposeful soothing environmental co-existence. The world is not a friendly place to those who are very sensory-sensitive.

Years of difference, seeing bummed out out and never congruous in no consideration how ball-buster I tried. Scars. Wounds. Pain. A downreaching notion of where rage comes from. A deep understanding of the meaningless montage of moments that so many try to make mean something so inter-connected. Loss becomes a friend when others refuse to understand.

Bridges burned. Singed by the searing of faking feelings and painful to rightful in. Alone, overdue a railing of glass that often no one tries to penetrate. Glass that has mature impenetrable from the inside. There is so much sound beyond that wall of glass. Enough sound to eat one alive if you let it. There is endless noise, a barrage of colours, smells and unpredictable and seemingly-ever-changing variables.

Great numbers of common people be informed the dance, the leaping of socialization. It's as if they've heard the air all of their lives. I am unbefriended to query why the air wouldn't play for me. I am left to wonder at the awkwardness I experience, painful awkwardness, whenever I have tried to dance. My dance was to be in tune with theirs but when I stood up to join the music died. The melody changed. The rules changed. Just me missing the beat as always. Embarrassed, alone, frustrated, humiliated and left to seek retreat.

Light illuminating the clan as I approach in the casualty of overload. Calm comforting disclosure they seem to share. They are enjoying each other. Why? How? What does that mean? I am panicked at the thought. I am forfeited to the ebb and flow. I undertaking away, always away. Darkness enshrines my efforts to procure out. Ill-timed, awkward and not well-received. Why can't the light of their shared song light up the darkness that I know so well? I have a strong sense of knowing that I don't fit. I have a strong sense of knowing that I don't belong. I know that I am separate. Like shadows cast on the wall of a cave to this void of everything I am a slave.

Wanting to know, sometimes, how they feel. Sitting in my reality with all that I requirement conceal - watching them swivel at me with amazement transmitting their anger and distemper as if I am with-holding me from them on cause to be a pain. Do they tramp circles around me to lose me? Are they just being them? I sit in the screaming-silence of my inner-world with an eye on their bright noisy-quiet sunshine clouded by the differences, differences that I'm told are mine.

What I acquaintance hurts. What I doing is painted as weird. What I inwardness is often ignored by others who aliment sufficient me that I am groove on them and that I just need to try harder. They don't get it anymore than I get what it is that they want me to share. I don't get that. I don't get that. It matters not how smart I am for what it is that I don't get does not live in my intellect. What I experience is a lack of just that. They are like a dog and I am surely like a cat and that is just that.